I Learned It All From My Mom!

During a recent visit, I was found myself as I often do, watching my mother interact with my two daughters (8 and 12) and noticing how loving she is with them. I am often taken back to the days when I was her child and she said the same words to me: "Hold my hand while we cross the street!" "Be careful!" "Come on, you can do it!"  Some things never change. Until they do. 

There are times, although rare, that my mother is completely different with my children as a grandparent than she was with me as a mother and I am left wondering just who in hell is this woman and what has she done with my mom?

I remember in Bill Cosby’s Himself where he talks about his dad and how he always has money for his grandchildren; but when Bill was a kid: “ I asked my father for a dollar for the school picnic, he told me how he killed a grizzly bear with his loose-leaf notebook.”

I am experiencing something similar with my own mother. Not with money, but with medicine. Now, let me preface this by saying I love my mother like nobody’s business and she took fabulously wonderful care of all of us growing up. I learned many of my loving, nursing ways from my mom. And many of them are reminiscent of Ms. Nightingale herself.  When my family needs convalescing,  my husband sometimes looks at me in awe with a "how did you know how to do that?" look. I have good instincts.  And, the truth is I had a great teacher too.  All in all,  I thought I did a pretty good job taking care of my family.

So, when my mother called recently to check up on my little one who had been ill, I wasn’t prepared for the third degree I got.

“Have you taken her to the doctor yet?” 

“No, mom. She has the stomach flu. We’ve all had it and now it’s her turn. I’m making sure to keep her hydrated and that’s the most important thing.”

Then her tone took a turn, “Okayyyyy...If you’re suuuure.... I don’t know WHY you just don’t take her in.”   

I felt like I was channeling Seth Meyers on SNL...Really??? Really? Really, Mom? This is the same woman who told me that every pain I was having my whole life was GAS! "Mom, my tummy hurts" GAS!  "Mommy, my head hurts..." GAS! I must have been raised on beans around the campfire in that scene from Blazing Saddles!   Really, Mom??

My most vivid non-doctor memory? When I was about 8 or 9, I thought it would be cool to ride my brother 10-speed bike with my mom’s high heeled shoes on. Ok, so this is also my most vivid 'idiot move' of my life! Come on, it sounded like a great idea at the time! And it all would have been fine had I remembered to put the kickstand up when I got on. I ended up falling off the bike and having the kickstand puncture the back of my thigh!  A puncture wound ... surely that is worthy of a trip to the ER? Maybe the doctor? Nope! My mom knew what to do! She patched that hole up with a couple of butterfly Band-Aids!  Band-Aids always fixed everything! And believe me, I was covered with them at times! I was not the most graceful kid and my bike and I had a love hate relationship. You could see the struggle in the band aids that covered my legs all summer long.  I still have the scars to prove it!  

 To be fair to my mom, I was in good shape once we got it cleaned up and bandaged. Sure the scar would have been less with stitches, but fine nonetheless.  She made a decision based on the information she had and made the best call she could.  She loved me more than anything and I know my best interest was always foremost on her mind.  But, she still chose not to take me to the doctor for whatever reason she had.  She followed her instincts.  Those instincts led us to the doctor very few times growing up.  My mom handled things at home until she felt needed help from someone else. Like when the gas pains didn't go away and turned out to be a  grapefruit sized cyst on my ovary needing major surgery.  I know she was secretly disappointed that Band Aides would not do the trick! 

So, now when I make the same decisions, why am I getting the “Okaayyyyy.... If you're suuuuuure” like I don’t know what I am doing? It makes me second guess my own instincts that have been so keen and served me well... for a moment maybe. And then I remember stories like this one and move along with a smile.  Or I say these words to my mom, "It's only GAS!" and that usually brings on laughter, but makes the point. Heh... I also learned how to 'guilt trip' from my mom.  She should know not to mess with the messer!

How quickly we forget.  I guess that’s just life, isn’t it?  Our roles change and with that our perspectives change.  The best part is that my mom and I are close enough that I can tell her what she is doing and how it makes me feel.  What is even better is that she is open enough that she can see it and we can laugh about it. I hope she is laughing as she reads this too.

As my own kids look at my mother with their “Nane-is-perfect” wide eyes and wonder, I can’t help but think again of Bill Cosby's stand up routine as he tried to inform his children about his own mother and how much she has changed over the years. "This is not the same person I grew up with. You are looking at an old woman who is trying to get into Heaven!"   

I wonder if they have Band-Aids in Heaven?

No worries, my mom will have some in her purse!