Housework. My Personal Mandala Sand Painting.

Sometimes I feel like I need to start my own 12 step program.

"Hi. My name is Dina and I hate housework."

"Hi Dina!"

 The meetings would be packed!

But, is it wise to hate something one does on a daily basis? What do I really 'hate' about cleaning anyway? I also know hating anything is not a good idea. Resistance is never the answer. What you resist persists. So, why do so many of us indulge these negative feelings about cleaning as often as we do?

Are you like me? I love coming home to a clean house and the peaceful feeling I get when I walk from room to room and things are immaculate.  I can easily get wrapped up in self aggrandizing glory, as I stroll through my orderly, no-crumbs-on-the-kitchen-floor home. My eyes squint as I catch a glimpse of my glittering smile that reflects off the chrome of my bathroom faucet NOT covered in toothpaste to bathe my face in a soft incandescent glow.
I got this thang!

It is even more satisfying if the girls are actually doing something productive at that very moment, because then I can throw on my "Super-Duper Mom" sash as I walk the hallways of my home where there is a place for everything and everything is in its place.  I wave my best Cinderella wave to my adoring children.  Ahhhh! Life is good. My house is clean. All is right with the world.

And then a flopping arm hits my face and I wake up! And my house looks like it does most mornings, like it might have been ransacked by burglars in the night. Actually, robbers might turn around thinking someone had already hit the place or more likely give up unable to navigate past the My Little Pony figurine land mines covering every inch of available floor space.

Now, I jest for effect, but the fact remains that the pristine state of affairs of my clean house are fleeting and never, ever last.  Did I emphasize n.e.v.e.r enough?? 

I am about to begin my 5th year of homeschooling my two daughters, 10 and almost 7.  I was a public school teacher for 10 years and loved that.  Now, my husband of 20 years and I make it work on one income. I am forever grateful for this and take my job as a mother and their educator very seriously. We have 2 feisty cats and an allergy sensitive pooch. We belong to a wonderful homeschooling co-op where I also teach. And I am happily active in service in several areas at our church. All of these require added time and dedication. And I know you are going over your own list, and yours is probably a lot longer than mine.  

So,  like all of us, I’m plenty busy before I even think about things like laundry or toilets. There never seems to be enough time to get everything done. Cleaning is seldom at the top of my list. Unless someone is coming over. Then, it moves to number one. But, in the aftermath of a successful play date,  things are right back where they were.

Ironically, if you asked my girls, they'd tell you that I am always cleaning something. And it feels like I am! If so, why isn't my house always clean? The answer is simple. Because we live there. Living creates disarray. It's only natural.

So, why did I feel like there was a finish line somewhere?  Is there ever going to be a certificate of completion? Easy answer... No.  As long as you are living, a mess will be made. I needed to get used to that.

Nature abhors a vacuum, so why was I working so hard against it every time I clean my kitchen counters and expected them to stay clear?  Why did I fight it?  Yet, as I cleaned, I got this false sense of hope. Maybe you get it too? You are cleaning your little heart out feeling good about working so hard, because in some fantasy you have it might actually stay that way for more than just a few moments.

Right? Insanity!

Welcome to my world.

Einstein said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

Hello!? How often do we do that?

So, I was forced to ask myself a question. Why on Earth do I even EXPECT the house to ever stay in that pristine state of clean? It never has.  I clean it over and over and it never stays that way. My expectation is what is causing my suffering over this.  Cleaning while knowing it's all going to go to hell in a hand basket as soon as I turn around causes me to attach negative feelings to the act of cleaning. So naturally, I would loathe it and avoid it. And in the end, my thinking makes it so.

When I use the word suffer, I mean this creates stress in our minds and bodies. We worry. We strive. We struggle. We complain. We want things to be other than the way they are and stress over it.  Can you imagine the damage it could do to a body to be in a stressed out state for the majority of one's day, day after day after day? Think ulcers, heart problems, pain.

Dis-ease becomes disease, therefore it is imperative that we learn to manage the stress we encounter. And we WILL encounter stress. We have already agreed on that. 

If I am ever going to gain some peace of mind in this area and stop banging my head up against my ‘washable’ (HA!!) crayon marked walls... if this something that is never going to change... if it is an absolute in my life that my kitchen sink just isn't ever going to stay empty for longer than a nanosecond and that the minute I get the toothpaste clumps scrubbed off the bathroom sink, that someone is gonna miss the mark and re-clump things.

If imperfect and yes, at times down right messy is the way it's going to be, Dr. Michael Beckwith would encourage us to ponder, what then is the characteristic or quality I need to cultivate within myself to not just endure that, but to embrace it and be happy in the thick of it?

The change needs to come from within me. Nothing outside is going to change. It is what it is. So, I can either accept it. Or I can fight it the whole way.

What needs to change in me to not let the mess stress me out? What quality do I need exercise in order to transform my experience of dreading cleaning yet again and turn it into joy?

I need to see perfection in the imperfection. Yes.

More importantly, I need to embrace the process. That is what I spend my time on... the process... the act of cleaning, maintaining our home, cooking, etc.

The process is where life is happening not in the outcome of the clean house. The outcome is momentary. As I see the imperfection and embrace the process, I can move to a place where I am at peace with the impermanence of it all.

Life is all about impermanence, change is inevitable. So the suffering comes from wanting it to be other than the way it is. Things end. Life is messy. Houses get full of glitter that reappears months after you think you've vacuumed the last of it up.  Every pony your children own will find their castle built in the middle of the busiest traffic area of your house. You clear off the kitchen table only to have your kids decide they want to do an art project there. Dogs come in with wet, muddy footprints the second you mopped the kitchen floor.  The wind blows and life goes on.

                    

It reminds me of the beautiful sand mandalas made by Buddhist monks. They create those meticulous, awe-inspiring sand paintings painstakingly over hours and hours only to blow them away when they finish. They enjoy it for a moment and then send it to the wind. They find the joy in the process. Yes, they enjoy the outcome, but realize that those joys are fleeting. They aren't attached to it.  They let it go. And begin again.  It is their practice. I find so much to be learned from them.

I can see that the process... the time I spend cleaning and taking care of my home and my family... is just as valuable as the cleanliness it produces.  Through this process, I am showing them that I care for them enough to take my time to create a loving and comfortable place for us all to live and grow.  The carpet of ponies on the floor can remind me that my children are happily playing. The pile dishes that once again fill the sink represent my desire to cook healthy, real food for my family. Every time I see a glint of glitter, it can serve as a reminder that I chose to cultivate my children's creativity instead of worry about the mess it will make.

It really is through this daily process that I am expressing my love for my family. As I do, I place grains of sand into our own mandala that we call day to day living and I lovingly help to create the intricate pattern of beauty that becomes our lives.

Wayne Dyer said, "When you change the way you look at things, the things you are looking at change." So, each of us has the power to change our perspective at any moment.  It's like doing a mental handstand or standing on a piece of furniture. It's funny how just a little change can make everything look different. The same is true with our thoughts. We don't need a 12 step program. Just one. It all begins with the way we think about it.

Since cleaning our homes IS part of most of our daily routines, we need to put into daily practice the realization that it is wiser to embrace the process itself and find our joy in the cleaning and not to attach our feelings of happiness to the clean house itself because that feeling is too fleeting and our joy would be momentary at best.

Instead be like the monks who see the benefit of the practice and the process itself.  Each grain of sand... each toy picked up, each color changed, each dish washed, each pattern mapped out, each crumb swept off the floor means something as it creates the picture, as it creates our lives.

We can enjoy it all. We will be happier if we do. Find joy in the process seeing the impermanence of it all and not attaching our happiness to the outcome. Embracing the imperfection because that's the way it is. Enjoying the process, because that's where the living happens. Wow. Way more moments of joy doing it that way, aren't there?

Come try that with me. See how much better it feels. Joy can be found in the process of the day to day. We might as well enjoy it! Right?

Because, in the end it is all dust in the wind... or sand in the mandala.

Let the wind blow!